Maybe this works...sorry the thing is messed up!!

"Not As We"- Alanis Morissette

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure, unkind, insane
This faint and shaken hour

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Gun-shy and quivering
Tear it without a hand
Feign brave but still intent
Little and hardly here

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Eyes wet,
Toward wide open freight
If God is taking bias,
I pray he wants to lose

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

This song is my life now. I am not okay yet. I will be eventually.
I know I will.Other people have made it through much worse things
 and so I can make it through this rough time I am having. I know it's
truly much more than a "rough time",
but I have to focus on the getting better aspect. No, I am not very positive right
now. But, yes, I am faith-filled and believing for a better day. I truly did "give
it to God" Wednesday night at Gravity-the College Group at church. I am confident 
that God will take care of me and even as important, send those to take care of me
when needed. I know there is a man out there for me. In some way, I still feel he is 
the one, but I can't look at it that way anymore. I am truly crazy, or God really 
did put him in my life for a reason. I trust God knows what he is doing.

However, I also know it is time for me to take charge of my life and really 
begin to be happy. I have not been truly joyous in quite a while, but now the time
has come in which I must change things for the better. I have to take things day by 
day and learn to live for myself. It is time for me. I cannot begin to tell you 
the way this songs speaks to me. I can only say, review the lyrics carefully
and interpret it for yourself. This time is hard. It is not easy and is not 
expected to be easy. I will prevail. "I Refuse" to give up. Man, I cannot wait
for that tattoo! That time will be here before I know it. That will be a fun day,
but a hard one all at once. 

Keep looking to the next post for my new book review. That is two books down, 28 to 
go till I hit my goal for the summer. I need to get crackin' on that next one. I have
a whole shelf of books to choose from, so tonight after I review, I will be starting
my next one.

These next few days will be quite hectic. Tomorrow I need to pack a bag for dad's and
begin to pack a bag for California. I also need to return clothes, layout clothes for
church on Sunday, and finish all my laundry. Then, Sunday I have to be at church at 
8am to sing in the choir first service and then immediately after service I am 
going to head to see Daddy-he doesn't know I am coming down, or at least, I am told 
he does not know. I hope he will be surprised. Katie and I are cookin' for him for
Father's Day when I get there. Then, Monday, I am having breakfast with my cousin 
Haley and then headin' back to the boro. On the way home though, I am stopping in 
Nashville at the Art Institute to work on Financial Aide stuff :):). Then I am 
coming home to unpack from dad's and finish packing for Cali. Then it will be an 
early bed time for this Southern gal, cause I nanny early Tuesday morning and all 
day. Then I will be hitting the gym for a while after nannying and then home to pack.
Wednesday, I need to shower, make sure I have everything in the car for Cali, get my 
emissions testing done, and then head to the school by 10am to leave for Cali. I am 
very excited for this trip!! I am a bit nervous about the swimsuit part, but oh well.
If they don't like what they see, they can look away!! HAHA!! :):) 

So, as you can see, I have lots to do these next few days. I should be able to update
my blog while in Cali, though not entirely sure. I will bring my laptop and we shall
see! Well, this is it for now. Need to shower, write my book review blog, put laundry
away, catch up on some reading, and then head to beddybye!! lol

Goodnight!!