So yeah today was odd. No, more than odd. Odd doesn't really fit today....
Today I experienced so many emotions, and I didn't quite know how to handle them properly.
So, let's begin:
I fought and fought and fought and fought to get mom up and ready and willing to go hear the people from the Art Institute. What she didn't know was that this was also my acceptance interview, so it was a bit crucial to whether or not I got in. So....yeah! That was an interesting morning. By some miracle, we managed to get to the appointment on time and in one piece. And well mom wasn't completely thrilled, but did let me apply. Then! There was the interview portion...dun dun dun!! THE LADY LOVED ME!! I was so so so so unsure of how this thing was going to go. At an Arts school, especially one so nationally known such as this one, they do not look at grades and test scores for admissions, they look at YOU!! Which turned out to be a very good thing for me. Now, test scores and grades come into play with financial aide, which is a whole OTHER story that I refuse to deal with today. But, the meaning of all this mess is to say that she loved me and we spent three hours with her today!! =) Very exciting, considering, when we sat down she said look, you either spend hours with me if I like you, or you spend 20 minutes with me if I don't think you fit in here. Soooo....I guess that's good!! =) man! I do know how to sell myself haha!! =)
Now, here is where we get into the odd part of my day. I get to the gym-yoga was CANCELLED!! GRR But, I did go to the ball game I was going to miss, and I got to see Bug play, which made her smile and me very happy to go. However!! Someone's mom decided to start talkin about how their daughter and a certain someone should be together. The mom began to plan a wedding and talk about how these two would make cute babies and such! This mom knows me, however, it must have slipped her mind that I am kinda sorta whatever with this other person she was talkin about being soooo right for her daughter! Now, her daughter, being tohe best friend she is to me, was very upset. She kept tryin to shush her mother and her mom's friend, yet they were not getting the message. Finally, she just sent her a text, meanwhile we are all sitting together on the bleachers, so needless to say, the chatter amongst her mom and her friend when they recieved the text, was very awkwardly obviously about me!! Grr!! I appreciate her trying to shush her mom, but well, it didn't do much. Wow, that was interesting!! As soon as all the talk about these two and weddings and babies came up, I had that sinking feeling like I wanted to puke! My lovely best friend noticed too, bless her heart!! I love her, I really do. She knows the feelings are there, and she is finally taking them into consideration. Plus, unlike most people, she is really there for me. Things are definitely looking up with this friendship.
The words, North Carolina, still petrify me. I don't know whether or not he will take it. But, this opportunity seems to finally understand his main hesitation in making things official. Which, really makes sense, considering we would be so far apart. I honestly don't think I would follow if asked. I can't now. I have made another choice now. I cannot change that. He does not know the choice I have made. He doesn't know anything about anything about me lately. He asks, I just say things are fine. I don't give much description anymore. He is giving more description than I am. That is sad I know. I don't know how to really tell him any of this anymore. I know he would listen, and he is one of my biggest chearleaders when it comes to my decisions but, I just, I don't know. I feel so connected, yet so disconnected to him lately. But really, I feel that way with everyone lately too, not just him.
God is the only one who knows how things will pan out. I have to trust in the knowledge that He will guide me. I know this school is where I am supposed to be. I know that he is The One. I know I am meant to be a mommy, a writer, a photographer, a mentor, a friend, a wife, a partner, a daughter, a best friend, a sister, a guide, a help to change things, and so much more. But, God is the only one who knows how. I know what, He knows how. For I must remember the jeremiah scripture in which He knows the plans he has for me.
It is now nearly 3am. I have to be at the kids' house to nanny in just over three hours. Yikes! I needed to sleep but, I was out too late and so it was pointless to try once I got home. I am finding this odd sleep pattern is one I commit to all too frequently, and so I really need to get out of the habit.
Now, this is all for now. I am too tired to write more. Maybe I will post a second entry today while the kids are playing. Today is slip-n-slide day and library day :D lol They love activities and these are pretty darn easy for me to commit too lol plus, i get time to myself as well. Gotta all some places about some jobs today too while they play :)
Today shall prove to be interesting I do believe....
Today I experienced so many emotions, and I didn't quite know how to handle them properly.
So, let's begin:
I fought and fought and fought and fought to get mom up and ready and willing to go hear the people from the Art Institute. What she didn't know was that this was also my acceptance interview, so it was a bit crucial to whether or not I got in. So....yeah! That was an interesting morning. By some miracle, we managed to get to the appointment on time and in one piece. And well mom wasn't completely thrilled, but did let me apply. Then! There was the interview portion...dun dun dun!! THE LADY LOVED ME!! I was so so so so unsure of how this thing was going to go. At an Arts school, especially one so nationally known such as this one, they do not look at grades and test scores for admissions, they look at YOU!! Which turned out to be a very good thing for me. Now, test scores and grades come into play with financial aide, which is a whole OTHER story that I refuse to deal with today. But, the meaning of all this mess is to say that she loved me and we spent three hours with her today!! =) Very exciting, considering, when we sat down she said look, you either spend hours with me if I like you, or you spend 20 minutes with me if I don't think you fit in here. Soooo....I guess that's good!! =) man! I do know how to sell myself haha!! =)
Now, here is where we get into the odd part of my day. I get to the gym-yoga was CANCELLED!! GRR But, I did go to the ball game I was going to miss, and I got to see Bug play, which made her smile and me very happy to go. However!! Someone's mom decided to start talkin about how their daughter and a certain someone should be together. The mom began to plan a wedding and talk about how these two would make cute babies and such! This mom knows me, however, it must have slipped her mind that I am kinda sorta whatever with this other person she was talkin about being soooo right for her daughter! Now, her daughter, being tohe best friend she is to me, was very upset. She kept tryin to shush her mother and her mom's friend, yet they were not getting the message. Finally, she just sent her a text, meanwhile we are all sitting together on the bleachers, so needless to say, the chatter amongst her mom and her friend when they recieved the text, was very awkwardly obviously about me!! Grr!! I appreciate her trying to shush her mom, but well, it didn't do much. Wow, that was interesting!! As soon as all the talk about these two and weddings and babies came up, I had that sinking feeling like I wanted to puke! My lovely best friend noticed too, bless her heart!! I love her, I really do. She knows the feelings are there, and she is finally taking them into consideration. Plus, unlike most people, she is really there for me. Things are definitely looking up with this friendship.
The words, North Carolina, still petrify me. I don't know whether or not he will take it. But, this opportunity seems to finally understand his main hesitation in making things official. Which, really makes sense, considering we would be so far apart. I honestly don't think I would follow if asked. I can't now. I have made another choice now. I cannot change that. He does not know the choice I have made. He doesn't know anything about anything about me lately. He asks, I just say things are fine. I don't give much description anymore. He is giving more description than I am. That is sad I know. I don't know how to really tell him any of this anymore. I know he would listen, and he is one of my biggest chearleaders when it comes to my decisions but, I just, I don't know. I feel so connected, yet so disconnected to him lately. But really, I feel that way with everyone lately too, not just him.
God is the only one who knows how things will pan out. I have to trust in the knowledge that He will guide me. I know this school is where I am supposed to be. I know that he is The One. I know I am meant to be a mommy, a writer, a photographer, a mentor, a friend, a wife, a partner, a daughter, a best friend, a sister, a guide, a help to change things, and so much more. But, God is the only one who knows how. I know what, He knows how. For I must remember the jeremiah scripture in which He knows the plans he has for me.
It is now nearly 3am. I have to be at the kids' house to nanny in just over three hours. Yikes! I needed to sleep but, I was out too late and so it was pointless to try once I got home. I am finding this odd sleep pattern is one I commit to all too frequently, and so I really need to get out of the habit.
Now, this is all for now. I am too tired to write more. Maybe I will post a second entry today while the kids are playing. Today is slip-n-slide day and library day :D lol They love activities and these are pretty darn easy for me to commit too lol plus, i get time to myself as well. Gotta all some places about some jobs today too while they play :)
Today shall prove to be interesting I do believe....
No comments:
Post a Comment