I Refuse

Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You could stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground
Won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won't back down.

Hey, baby. There ain't no easy way out.
Hey yeah, I will stand my ground.
And I won't back down.

Well I know what's right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground
And I won't back down.

Hey, baby. There ain't no easy way out.
Hey yeah, I will stand my ground.
And I won't back down.

Hey, baby. There ain't no easy way out.
Hey yeah, I won't back down
Hey, baby. There ain't no easy way out.
Hey yeah, I will stand my ground

And I won't back down.

..................

It's my time to move on. As this post titles, my life motto is "I Refuse." So much so, that I am planning to have it tattooed on the inside of my left wrist-despite the "career concerns" of those around me. I see it as my true way to live and I want it there as my constant reminder. With that on my wrist I can't cook, wash my hands, do my hair, drive, get dressed, shower, nothing.....without seeing it every time. That's a major thing to see everyday, but it's exactly how I plan to live my life and if those around me don't understand or get it, oh well. I know what the meaning behind it is, and so should they, if they know anything about my past.

Today has been a life-changing day, and really it wasn't that eventful or anything, actually kinda icky this morning, but eh, oh well. I had an MRI with contrast dye done today to see what is up with these stroke-migraines...that was not awful, but not pleasant by any means either. We shall see what the dr's say about this test, for now we wait.

But today really was a day of change for me. I can't describe what did it exactly, I think I have just had enough time thinking. I have had two weeks out of high school now and that has been enough and actually more than enough time to think and soul search. There is only so much solitude and time for thinking that one needs before one goes insane! :) It's been nice to gather my thoughts, but enough is enough. I have thought and thought and pondered and wondered, so now it is time to ACT. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, however, without that first initiation of action, NOTHING will happen. And I cannot, will not, and REFUSE to settle for that nothingness.

I have amazing friends-a few-and a great support system. Things are not easy and I am not in some fantasy world now where I think things are candy and roses. The one I love is still in Iraq until at least October/November, those "brothers" of mine that I cherish so much are still fighting that same war too, family issues are still rough, I still do not have a second job, and I am still not feeling well, and I still have not gotten registered for fall classes, yet, things ARE changing. I cannot always see what God has planned, yet HE promises...."For I know the plans I have for you, DECLARES the Lord, plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope"....Jeremiah 29:11......

Those around me may choose to accept defeat and let life's eternal question of "why?" bring them down, but.......ME?


I REFUSE!!